Last Days

Well, it's the end. Or, as Vanessa (who is currently sitting on this cramped bus beside me) says, its the beginning of the end. We're seniors: I had my last day of junior year last Friday, said goodbye to my teachers and friends. Christine and I said our Rotary-farwells this past Wednesday, giving out final besitos and saying our thank-yous. I spent my last night at my host parents house last night, made my bed for the final time this morning and cleared out my room of everything except a small pile of clothes that I couldn't fit into my trip suitcase. I gave my host parents a farewell gift yesterday, a painting with my handprint and quotes from the Jim Henson's "Saying Goodbye" song covering the smeared paint. I woke up this morning, packed and ready for our viaje-por-España-y-Portugal, and had a bit of a panic attack. This is it, those final moments I've been looking forward to all year. These are the days of goodbye, of see you soon, of I'll miss you and Tequiero. It's hard to wrap my mind around going back, of leaving behind this life I've built here and going back to the one I've had for fifteen years. I'm turning seventeen in five days. Five. I'm putting off my birthday for as long as I possible can, almost hoping it'll be forgotten in the craziness of travel and sightseeing that we're going to experience this trip. Seventeens always been the age I looked towards, dreamed of. It's the year I'd planned to have so many things done by: SATs, AP classes, first boyfriend, first kiss, best friends, college visits, drivers license, Prom… so many expectations, some of which have come true and others which haven't. And yet, as seventeen comes closer and closer, I realize how many things I've done that I'd never have expected: I've seen and traveled through Spain, been to England, have plans and dreams to travel for the rest of my life, I'm confused for what I want from the rest of my life, but I'm happy to live in the moment, I've fallen in love, I've made friends and family in places I never thought to call home, I've begun to feel comfortable and beautiful in my own skin, I know how to work public transportation systems (mostly), I've learnt another language and have the goal to learn many, many more, I've grown up and yet I'm still confused, I'm still me. Thank you to everyone for this amazing year, I hope that seventeen is an even better one. The future might be terrifying, but I think I'm ready for it.