A New Goodbye

Tick-tock goes the clock, tomorrow is the day.

The minutes go by and I watch as Sunday turns to Monday: Christian, Cj and I are waiting up at Nina's house. I'm tired from a day of packing, on and off tears, and nervousness for my flight tomorrow; but I can't go to sleep. The taxi is coming at 4am to take the three of us to the airport, where we'll meet up with Christine and Vanessa. Christine, Cj, and I have a 6:50am flight to Paris. I'll be back in California at 8pm.

It's funny, during this year I always made the mistake of calling the Malaga train station an airport. And now, when I went to type airport, I first wrote train station. Guess my mind is still finding it hard to believe that I'm going back. Don't know if I've really processed it at all yet. I did the same thing coming to Spain, put off the hard thoughts for as long as I could, then burst into tears walking through security. It's going to be hard to say goodbye this time. Already gave my farewells to my host families and Spanish friends. But now its time for the hard stuff. For the hugs that you don't think you can let go of. For the tears you think will never stop coming. For the see-you-soons that might never come true.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to go back. But in a sad way, a melancholy way: my life here seems so real, so true and so NOW. I don't want to forget, don't want to wake up Wednesday morning and feel like it was all a dream. Don't want to come to terms with the idea of "the past is the past, let it go." I'm nervous. So, so very nervous. I don't know what next year will be like. But I know I have people in my life I can always, always count on to be there for me. I have people who love me, who will stand by my side through thick and thin, and who will be in my life forever. Whether they live halfway across the world or in the neighborhood across the street, I know they'll be there for me. And I'll always be there for them. Forever.

Now wish me luck: I have 6 more hours till I'm catching my flight... gotta stay AWAKE!

Love from Marbella,
Shonabell