Growing Up

I'm sitting next to my little host cousin, Nacho, as he writes a book report on the story of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. He's got the storybook beside him, making out the words one by one and struggling to decide what to write. "I'm bored, I don't like the story of Peter Pan," he complains, and my host uncle tries to convince him of the wonders of the story. "Así volaron y volaron, como cometas al viento," the words ring in my head as he reads them aloud, the beauty of such simple spanish phrases, from a children's book to say the least, catching my mind and my thoughts until I can think of nothing else. I don't want to grow up. Or do I, I can't decide.

They say the story of Peter Pan is a children's story, a fairytale to enjoy when you're young. I've always liked the story, though as a child I disagreed heartily with Peter and his refusal to grow up. It seemed silly to me, for I'd always wanted to be older and more mature, that anyone would want to be a kid forever. The adults always seemed to have more fun, they went out without parents, had freedom and the ability to choose whatever they wanted to do. The world was an open door to them, and I enjoyed peering from inside the fun, safe house in which I passed my time. How I wanted to be older; oh, the joys of being seventeen, eighteen, twenty, thirty. But now that I'm less than a month away from seventeen, Peter Pan's ideas of running away to Never-Never Land grow more and more appeasing.
To go off and start a new life of without responsibility, worry, stress (except those pirates of course haha), and only the thought of the adventures we might have on my mind. All those responsibilities I rarely considered when I thought of growing up are now crashing into my reality. Its a terrifying and exhilarating thought, to grow up. Because unlike Peter Pan, I do have to grow up. I'm going back in a month and six days: this is the end of my adventure here, this wonderful year that has taught me so much. And though I know I'm going back, leaving my Never Never Land, a part of me refuses to grow up. A part of me still smiles when I play a board game with my 5 year old primo, a part of me still fantasizes about being a princess every time I see a castle, a part of me still dreams of being whisked away by Peter Pan in the middle of the night.

And yet, though I might not have met Peter Pan, swum with mermaids, or been chases through the sky by pirates, I've had plenty of my own adventures here. The people I've met and learned to love, the places I've seen and the things I've done, each a memory I will hold onto for the rest of my life. So, though I may have to grow up, I will always remember what it is to be a kid, to have that hope and love for life that so many people seem to lose. I will always be a little kid on the inside, a princess and fairy-loving girl with romantic hopes and dreams. I can grow up all I want, but that will never, ever change.

Love from Marbella,
Shonabell